Regrets?

I’m currently working on the fourth book of my “Sunset Series”. The title is No Regrets, so naturally, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the whole business of looking back at life and wondering if we could have and should have done things differently.

I want to know your opinions on the subject.

One of the first times I ever considered regrets came from hearing a country song. It was “I’d Rather Be Sorry” by Ray Price. Please, take a moment to listen.

I’d Rather Be Sorry

The words that jumped out at me as most meaningful were these:  I’d rather be sorry for something I’ve done than for something that I didn’t do.”

I was much younger then, and when I heard the song and listened to those words, I didn’t agree. I hated doing the wrong thing and later regretting it. It seemed so much easier to cope with those “wishy-washy” regrets that were more like forgotten wishes. “Oh, I wish I’d gone skating with my friends…sounds like they had a great time.”

Here’s how I saw it. If I regretted something I’d done, I had to face up to the fact that I’d made a mistake. I had committed an error or infraction. Something I hadn’t done, on the other hand, wasn’t a mistake so much as a simple oversight. Well, I should have realized how much fun skating would be…hey, maybe next time.

Mistakes — those things I regretted doing — caused harm. Little oversights and missed opportunities, not so much.

Now that I’m older and a little wiser, I can see it a bit differently. We shouldn’t live our lives being afraid of making mistakes and having regrets. Life should be about taking chances, daring to live our dreams, and doing things we love — even if we sometimes make mistakes. Sometimes, we even fail.

I see, too, that life really is all about choices. Letting an opportunity pass us by is a mistake, and afterward, we have only ourselves to blame. As we get older and look back over the years, what hurts most aren’t the things we did wrong but the things we neglected to do, the times we allowed our fears hold us back, the times we chose not to get involved.

Writing No Regrets has given me an opportunity to explore what “being sorry” means in our relationships with others — and in our relationship with ourselves. Through listening to my characters and sharing their stories, I’ve come to understand and fully embrace the need to be who we are, to follow our dreams, and above all, to dare to live passionately.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

Would your rather be sorry for something you’ve done?

Or for something that you didn’t do?

Thank you for visiting today.  I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Remember, each comment on my blog this month adds $1.00 to my May pledge to Reach Out and Read.

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DID YOU KNOW: The State of Colorado once had a law that made it illegal to kiss a sleeping woman!  Watch for more fun and fascinating little facts to come. 

The Obvious Choice?

Life is filled with choices. Big ones, little ones, simple ones, and an occasional downright difficult dilemma.

“There are always choices in life,” Amanda Phillips tells hero Joshua Barron in Not the Marrying Kind, and she’s right. Every day we’re faced with choices from the time we wake up until we climb back into bed and pull up the covers.

Choice is a key element in fiction, of course, and it’s through choice that character is revealed. We authors strive to create challenging situations for our characters, forcing them to make tough choices and painful decisions. It’s how we test them, how we encourage them to grow, to change, and to become worthy of love.

When we face decisions, how do we know what the right choice is?

I’ve been pondering this question lately as I work on the fourth book of “The Sunset Series”. It’s a story about choices and consequences, a story about mistakes and lost opportunities. As part of my research while writing, I began browsing quotations about choices — and also about the regrets that sometimes follow.

I came across this one:

The obvious choice is usually a quick regret.

It surprised me because it seemed to go against conventional wisdom. Choices, after all, involve right and wrong, and as often as not, we do know the difference, don’t we? Most situations we face can be viewed from a logical perspective and the correct choice easily determined. Countless self-help books and articles can guide us through the decision-making process with easy-to-follow instructions about finding the pro and con in each alternative and weighing them in the balance.

 

You know…that’s never really worked for me. Writing down all those good points and not-so-good points leaves me confused. It’s impossible to compare one benefit to another and to accurately determine if what’s gained truly outweighs what might be lost. So much involves speculation. We can never say with certainty what the outcome of a choice will be.

Still, the logical side of my brain insists that logical choices — obvious choices about what’s right and what’s wrong — should be the best.

Life experience has proved otherwise.

As I sit here and look back over the choices and decisions I’ve made, I can clearly see that the best choices — the ones that have given meaning and direction to my life — were the ones that were neither obvious nor logical. They were choices that came from my heart, and no matter how absurd, how illogical, how unwise…they worked. They were the right choices for me.

When I came across that saying about obvious choices bringing quick regrets, I thought again about decisions I’ve made. Sure enough, the times I regret are those when I listened to logic, did what was expected, and essentially, played it safe.

Sages have taught that the great choice in life is one between love and fear. Too often fear can hold us back. It limits us to obvious choices. Choosing love requires courage — the courage to move beyond the obvious, the courage to be different, the courage to express who we truly are.

 

Here’s wishing you a year filled with love

and with the courage to overcome all fears.